I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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