can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
