she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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