you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize