Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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