Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
