If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
