**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
