omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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