i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
