I wannas sexs uuuuu
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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