the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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