You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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