one might say we're banned from that church
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
