WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
