If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
