There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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