Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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