Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
