what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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