After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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