If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
