Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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