oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
