After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
