I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
