I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We talked him into tasing himself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
