wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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