What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As shirtless as possible
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
