Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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