I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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