i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
