thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
