She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
