im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize