it hurts more in the daytime
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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