I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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