I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
