omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
