What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
