Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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