So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
