I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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