the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
