Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
