im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
