im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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