I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
