last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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