Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
