Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am spending my child support on dildos
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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