we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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