Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
