quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize