Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
