I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
