I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
