I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
