o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
