**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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