Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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