I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
