fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
