your room smells of hookers.
And success
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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