So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
