He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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