He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
