like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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