you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize