The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
