you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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