If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
