i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
