i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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