Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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