I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
