i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize