Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
